Sand Mountain Reporter

The Tiger Woods scandal continues to gain momentum as fast as the golf phenom’s mistresses are emerging from obscurity.

I can’t recall an image in sports as carefully constructed as Tiger’s that came crashing down so quickly.

Bloomberg News even reported marketers have pulled all Tiger ads from prime-time television broadcast networks and 19 cable channels, and, according to Nielson Co. data, the last ad featuring Woods appeared Nov. 29.

The 10 biggest sports scandals on msn.com listed some whoppers, but you’ll have to be the judge where Tiger ranks.

Here are five recent scandals on the list and where msn.com ranked them:

No. 1: Kobe Bryant was accused of sexual assault after an incident involving a Colorado resort employee in 2003. The Lakers star bought his wife a $4 million ring, and the case was dropped when the accuser declined to finish the trial.

No. 5: Wade Boggs was slapped with a $6 million palimony suit by a woman who carried on a four-year affair with the legendary hitter. The Red Sox great claimed sex addiction, and his wife stayed with him.

No. 6: Calvin Murphy fathered 14 children with nine different women and then was accused by five of his daughters that he sexually molested them as children. The former Rockets star was acquitted of all charges.

No. 7: ESPN baseball analyst Steve Phillips and his affair with a 22-year-old production assistant got ugly. ESPN fired both employees when the scandal became public, and Phillips’ wife filed for divorce.

No. 8: Roger Clemens, one of the greatest pitchers of all time, and country singer Mindy McCready were allegedly involved in an affair starting when she was a teenager. McCready, who suffered a number of setbacks in her personal life, never denied the affair as Clemens battled steroids charges.

Tiger jokes

The only topic able to keep up with the speed at which Tiger’s mistresses keep revealing themselves is Tiger jokes.

Everybody is doing Tiger jokes.

Even David Letterman, recently embroiled in his own sex scandal, piled on. The host of “Late Show” featured Tiger on his Top 10 list — “Top 10 ways Tiger Woods can improve his image.”

My three favorites:

• Find Osama Bin Laden.

• Retire, then come back and play for the Vikings.

• Change name from Tiger to more adorable Puppy.

The best talk show host on TV is Stephen Colbert and he delivered this zinger: “Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress.”

I found these Tiger jokes on Brent’s Golf Blog by Brent Kelley at golf.about.com:

• The police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. “I can't remember,” Elin said. “Just put me down for a 5.”

• Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?

• Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.

• What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

• Ping has a new set of irons called Elins. They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.

Lionel Green is a staff writer for The Sand Mountain Reporter. His e-mail address is lgreen(at)sandmountainreporter.com.

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